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'Twas the night before Hanukkah
and all over the place
There was noise, there was kvetching
Soch ah disgrace!

 

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The Kinderlach, sleeping,
uneasily felt
The chocolate rush
from the Hanukkah gelt

 

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And me in the easyboy,
so stuffed with latkes,
I stretched the elastic
which held up my gatchkes.

 

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When up on the roof
(and it has a steep pitch)
A fat alte kakker
was making a kvitsch.

 

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I jumped up real quick
and I ran to the door,
Was it a bandeet,
or only a schnorrer?

 

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He wasn't alone;
he had eight ferdelach,
And called them by name
as he gave a gebrach:

 

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"On Moishe, on Yankel, on Itzik, on Sam,
On Mendel, on Shmendrik, on Feivush, on Ham;
My kidneys are kvelling;
do you give a damn?"

 

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He had a white beard
and payyes to boot,
And to keep out the cold,
he had such a nice suit!

 

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A second from Peerless,
I could tell at a glance,
But the cut was okay,
and so were the pants.

 

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He was triple XL,
a real groisser goof,
So I yelled out,
"Meshuggener! Get off from Mein roof!"

 

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He jumped down and said
as he shook hands with me,
"Max Klaus is the name.
You have maybe some tea?"

 

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So I gave him a gleisel,
while he shook his white mop,
Mutt'ring, "Always the same thing,
They're dreying my kopp!"

 

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From Vancouver to Glacer Bay,
Outremont to Reginek,
Every shmo in the world
hakks meir a cheinik!

 

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They're screaming for presents,
and challah with schmaltz,
And from Brooklyn alone,
the back pain, gevaltz!"

 

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So we sat and yentehed,
and we spun the old dreydels,
(He took all of my money,
and one of my kanidels)

 

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He said, "Business is not bad,
a living I make,
But I'm getting too old
for this Hanukkah fake;

 

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And the cell phones, you see
how my pacemaker dings?
For two cents I'd quit,
and move to Palm Springs?"

 

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And he gave a geshrei
as he fled mit a lacht,
"Gut Yontiff to All,
Vey is Mir, Such a Nacht!"

~Author Unknown~

 

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