Here are real classified ads that didn't quite work!

1. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

2. For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

3. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

4. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

5. No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.

6. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

7. Dog for sale: eats anything and is especially fond of children.

8. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

9. Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

10. Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

11. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

12. Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

13. Stock up and save. Limit: one.

14. For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.

15. Man, honest. Will take anything.

16. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

17. Illiterate? Write today for free help.

18. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

19. 3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

20. Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

21. Sign in a cosmetician's shop window: Complete skin, nail, and hair removal service.

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