• You spill more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses.

• Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy.

• Your after dinner moans are loud enough to signal Dr. Kevorkian.

• The "Gravy Boat" your wife set out was a real 14' boat!

• The potatoes you used set off another famine in Ireland.

• You get grass stains on your butt after a walk, but never sat down.

• Your "Big Elvis Super-Belt" won't even go around your waist.

• You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail.

• You set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog Friday.

• Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy.

• You have 5 TV sets side-by-side to catch all the football games.

• A guest quotes a Biblical passage from "The Feeding of the 5000."

• That rash on your stomach turns out to be steering wheel burn.

• Your wife wears a life jacket at night in your water bed.

• Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice.

• You consider gluttony as your patriotic duty.

• It looks like the left-overs are going last until Christmas.

• Your arms are too heavy to reach the keyboard & delete this message.

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