The following statements about the
bible have been written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (i.e. bad
spelling has been left in):
- In the first book of the Bible, Guiness, God got tired of
creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
- Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
- Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
- Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
- Lots wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by
night.
- The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had
trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
- Samson was a strongman who let himself be lead astray by a
Jezebel like Delilah.
- Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
- Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made
unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
- The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
- Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten
ammendments.
- The first commandment as when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
- The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
- Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
- Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son
to stand still and he obeyed him.
- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He
fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
- Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700
porcupines.
- When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang
the Magna Carta.
- When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they
found Jesus in the manager.
- Jesus was born because Mary had a immaculate contraption.
- St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to
others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat
alone."
- It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to
get the tombstone off the entrance.
- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
- The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
- One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony,
which is another name for marriage.
- A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called
monotony.
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