A Little Leprechaun

A little boy was in the school's bathroom. He found there was no toilet paper so he used his hand. When he got back to his classroom the teacher asked what he had in his hand.

"A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."

 

 

The teacher couldn't get him to open his hand and sent him to the principal who also asked what he had in his hand.

"A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."

 

 

He was sent home with a note asking to see his parents, so his mom asked him what he had in his hand.

"A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."

He was sent to his room. In a while his dad came in and asked, "What do you have in your hand?"

 

 

Again came the reply, "It's a little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."

His dad ordered him to open his hand, and as he did so the boy said, "Oh no, Dad, look; you scared the crap out of him!"

The Golfer & The Leprechaun

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway.

He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head, and the golf ball lying right beside him. "Goodness," says the golfer, and proceeds to revive the poor little guy.

 

 

Upon awaking, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes."

The man says, "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.

Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks, "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great love life."

 

 

Well, a year goes past (as they often do in jokes like this) and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing.

The leprechaun says, "I'm fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?"

The golfer says, "It's great! I hit under par every time."

 

 

The leprechaun says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your money is holding out?"

The golfer says, "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a ten pound note."

The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your love life is?"

 

 

The golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, I have a date maybe once or twice a week."

The leprechaun is floored and stammers, "Only once or twice a week?!"

The golfer, a little embarrassed, looks at him and says, "Well, that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."

You might be a Leprechaun if...

• You snicker uncontrollably all through "Darby O'Gill And The Little People."

• Their record collection is stocked only with very short artists -- Paula Abdul, Sheena Easton, Prince, Phil Collins.

• You get jumpy every time friends ask you if you can cover them for lunch.

• When you see a rainbow, you get a greedy little look in your eye. (Arrrr, there's me pot o' gold!)

• In your cupboard -- nothing but Lucky Charms cereal.

• Every time you get your paycheck, you convert it into gold coins and bury it somewhere.

• You insist on dancing a jig on your way to work each morning to the embarrassment of all your friends.

• You've been under a rock for the past few years.

• You just despise fairies. ("Wing Envy" if you ask me!)

• You try to pick up women by saying "Ah, lassie, you have dazzling kneecaps, you do."

• When drunk, you discourse endlessly on shoes, and annoy folks by saying things like "How can ye not know what a grommet is, lad? You're wearing several on yer feet! What are ye, dumb?"

• Around St. Patrick's Day, you stock up on Shamrock Shakes at McDonald's.

• When you say something is "magically delicious," it really is.

And the number one way you can tell
you might be a Leprechaun:

• You're three feet tall, Irish, have red hair, cuss, drink and wear green a lot!