36 Things You Will Never Hear
a REDNECK Say...

1. "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"

2. "Duct tape won't fix that."

3. "Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken."

4. "We don't keep firearms in this house."

5. "You can't feed that to the dog."

6. "I thought Graceland was tacky."

7. "No kids in the back of the pickup...
    it's not safe."

8. "Professional wrasslin's fake."

9. "Honey, did you mail that donation to
    Greenpeace?"

10. "We're vegetarians."

11. "Do you think my hair is too big?"

12. "I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits
      and gravy."

13. "Honey, these bonsai trees need watering."

14. "I don't understand the appeal of NASCAR."

15. "Give me the small bag of pork rinds."

16. "Deer heads detract from the decor."

17. "Spitting is such a nasty habit."

18. "I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart
      today."

19. "Trim the fat off that steak."

20. "Cappuccino tastes better than espresso."

21. "The tires on that truck are too big."

22. "I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad."

23. "I've got it all on a floppy disk."

24. "Unsweetened tea tastes better."

25. "Would you like your fish poached or
      broiled?"

26. "My fiance is registered at Tiffany's."

27. "I've got two cases of Zima for the Super
      Bowl."

28. "She's too old to be wearing that bikini."

29. "Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?"

30. "Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that
      we haven't seen."

31. "I don't have a favorite college football
      team."

32. "Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the
      side."

33. "I believe you cooked those green beans too
      long."

34. "Those shorts ought to be a little longer,
      Darla."

35. "Elvis who?"

36. "Checkmate."

  
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